Ways to build trust in marriage
Be understanding and supportive.
Be honest and communicate about key issues in your relationship-be sure to be forthcoming about finances, your past, and concerns with a family member, co-workers, or children. Don’t sweep important issues under the rug because this can lead to resentment.
Listen. Not to judge. Not to fix. And not even to retort. Listen simply to grasp what your spouse is feeling with as much accuracy as possible. Listen closely to your spouse to understand their feelings in the same way you’d listen to a teacher to understand how to do calculus.
Make sure to follow up by telling them how you intend to avoid making the same mistake again. If you aren’t sure what they need from you to work on the relationship, you can ask. Just make sure you’re ready and willing to actively listen to their answer.
Trust your intuition. Have confidence in your own perceptions (as well as weighing them up against past experiences) and pay attention to red flags. If your gut is telling you something, don’t let it sit. Speak it. Ask that question. If you harbour it, it will grow like a thorn in the side of your relationship.
Be open, acknowledge feelings & practice being vulnerable. If you need reassurance from your partner, ask for it. If you’re feeling insecure, let them know. Invite them into knowing you, how they make you feel and how you want to make them feel. Be open about your hopes, fears and dreams.
So here’s what this may look like in marriage. Your spouse comes home from a stressful day at work to find the kids still haven’t taken care of the dirty dishes in their rooms that they were told a thousand times to put in the dishwasher. You listen to them and try to non-judgmentally understand how they’re feeling (even though the thought of lingering dirty dishes doesn’t particularly bother you). You allow yourself to feel at least a little bit of the frustration they feel. And out of compassionate empathy, you extend a hug, thank them for all the hard work they do. Then you go upstairs to goad the ankle-biters into gathering up the fungus-laden dishes so your spouse doesn’t have to for the 1,001st time.
Stay to the end. Misunderstandings, conflict, and anger are going to occur. Make it safe for disagreements and the careful expression of anger to happen without raising a fear of abandonment. You do this by never using the threat of walking out.
Ways to build trust in marriage: Display empathy.
For example, if you make a mistake, you may immediately think, “I’m so stupid!” Instead, try saying to yourself, “That’s okay. It was just a minor error.” Showing yourself compassion when you make a mistake enables you to show a greater understanding of others when they make mistakes.
Practice vulnerability. Here’s the thing: empathy begets empathy. What I mean is, it’s a two-way street. Empathy is best built when both people in the marriage open up about situations, feelings, and thoughts they simply want the other to better understand. That’s the beauty of it: the practice of empathy helps you to know that you can open up to your spouse and they’ll be non-judgmental and supportive. And they can be open with you and you’ll respond in the same way. Trust is reinforced. The marriage is strengthened. And all because empathy is that one ingredient that makes the difference in the recipe.
Showing empathy in a relationship can tighten you and your partner’s bond. That’s why one of the best ways to be more empathetic is by simply imagining yourself in their position. “People who lack empathy tend to also lack an understanding of how they themselves feel in varying situations. Therefore, a good starting point is to remind people to consider how they feel as they endure life’s mixed bag of good, bad and neutral experiences. This exercise will put down neural pathways (which will be strengthened over time) that allow for a person to understand experience – first his/her own, then that of someone else.” says New York-based therapist and relationship expert and adjunct professor of psychology at Columbia University Laurel Steinberg, PHD, in an interview with Bustle over email.
The second way to engender trust in relationships with patients is empathy. You need to have the ability to convey empathy to patients while still having boundaries that prevent you from being emotionally overwhelmed. Aim to relate to your patients but maintain boundaries so that their issues or attitudes don’t overly affect you.
The thing about being empathic all the time is that it can become mentally exhausting — your partner’s emotions might become your emotions, too. In the same realm, try to show more compassion in your relationship to help alleviate that.
You will stuff up. When it happens, you can undo a lot of the damage by promptly and humbly apologizing and doing what you can to rectify the situation. Nothing builds trust quite like accepting responsibility without making excuses or diverting blame.
Great article, well written and very thorough. As a sales coach / manager I teach my students / salespeople / leaders how to out position the competition by building trust using my proprietary conversation flow. This process instills trust through care and understanding.
Make time for each other.
Make your relationship a top priority. It can be easy to take each other for granted and neglect one another. Try not to give all of your energy and time to other people or activities. Keep your priorities clear. If being in a relationship is important to you, then make sure it stays at the top of your list.
Be honest & communicate about key issues in your relationship. Spend time every day checking-in, turning towards each other and reflecting on how things are. If there are issues in your relationship, don’t let them build, bring them into the light. Start small, speak from the “I” (I feel, I notice, I wonder) and have open starters.
We are two individuals but being single-minded to our individual goals is totally counter to the higher purpose of being united as a couple. We need to be couple-minded rather than single-minded and like everyone else in that department, we are still a work in progress.
Tell the truth. Don’t keep anything hidden, nothing should be privileged from the other. You have to know that sooner or later all things come to light, and the consequences of not being completely truthful will kill the trust and ruin your relationship.
I’m sorry to read about the challenges you’re having in your relationship. Usually, in these situations, it’s worth speaking to a professional couple’s counselor who can provide strategies to improve trust and communication. To this end, I’d encourage you to have a conversation with your partner to let him know that you’d like to work on the relationship and ask whether he’s willing to do the same. You can find a directory of therapists (with options to select couple’s counselors in particular) here.
Acknowledge your feelings and practice being vulnerable in small steps Build confidence in being more open with your partner. Discussing minor issues (schedules or meals) is a great place to start before tackling bigger matters like disciplining kids or finances.
Know that it’s also OK if you do not want to continue the relationship after considering the above steps or beginning them. Just be honest with yourself, and your partner and don’t go through the motions just because you feel that is what is expected of you as a devoted partner.
